Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
