So drunk its hurt
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
