cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
