onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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