I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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