I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
