u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
