it was like eating out sand paper
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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