Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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