my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
