apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
