his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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