You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
