end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
