Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize