she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
