Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
