i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
