my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I want is dick and wine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
