My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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