Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
