On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
