You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
