i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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