I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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