mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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