Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
