Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
