take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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