make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
