Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
