I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
