i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
