I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
