Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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