my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dick very happy bro
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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