Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
