In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
