I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
