Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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