Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
