So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
