I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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