Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
