Jerry, you need to find god
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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