You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
