sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
