Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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