there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
