Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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