Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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