the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
