Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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