Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
