Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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