I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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