worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
