Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im six kinds of drunk right now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my moral compass just broke
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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