THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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