i would one night stand the shit outta him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
