Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
