He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The air taste purple.
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