our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
