WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
