Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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