I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
