Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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