His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize