is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
