Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
