my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Actions speak louder than pants.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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