I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
