She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
