The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize