very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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