i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
