The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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