The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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