Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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