Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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