Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
