He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
