Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
