Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
