Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
