Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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